Spoiled Brat

As I have grown
I’d like to think
That I’ve outgrown the brat
I’d like to think.

When I was young
I was a spoiled brat
I may still be spoiled
But am I still a spoiled brat?

I’d like to think
That I’ve outgrown the brat
I’d like to think
I’m better now.

I try so hard
But my past still haunts
There is no denying.
My past still haunts.

I was a spoiled brat
Way back when I was young
But as I’ve grown
Have I changed?

I have changed.
That is one certain thing.
I have changed.
Changed from being a brat.

I pray to God
No one thinks I’m a brat
I’d like to think
I’ve been forgiven.

I’d like to think
It has been forgiven.
I’d like to think
It has been forgotten.

Please forgive
The child in me
That was a brat
A spoiled brat
I meant no harm
I’d like to think you’d know
I’d like to think I wouldn’t need to say
I’d like for you to think better of me

I’d like to say I’m sorry
I may be spoiled
But I would not like to be
A spoiled brat.

~~~~~

I wrote this when I was feeling terrible. I was filled with remorse. The thought came to me suddenly that I am still rather spoiled. I won't be in debt forever paying for my college. That makes me spoiled. I recalled when I was little I was a bit of a brat. I say that in the most kind way I can. I wrote this poem only a few moments before I posted it. This is not edited at all. It is written precisely as it came to me. I feel so blah right now.

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

I'm very sorry to say that I have not posted in July. I have written this short bit only to apologize and assure that I will have a July post so I do not miss a month!

I Followed

Slowly but faithfully I follow you
Only slightly aware of all the things you do yet shouldn’t do
Lied to left and right I try to keep my ship afloat
But drowning quickly in the end

I’m tired of all the ways you’ve slandered me
I’m tired of all the ways you’ve pushed me down
I’m tired of going home and crying to myself
Wondering what I did that was so wrong

Why was it that you were always letting me
Make all of those stupid mistakes
I guess you really didn’t care
I suppose you were never really there
To be the friend that I was to you

I’m tired of all the ways you’ve slandered me
I’m tired of all the ways you’ve pushed me down
I’m tired of going home and crying to myself
Wondering what I did that was so wrong

Blinded by your caring words and your mocking smile
You never really thought that I was worth your while
But now it doesn’t matter
It doesn’t matter in the end
‘Cause now I’ve realized
And I’ve reprioritized
And you’ve been placed at the bottom of my list

‘Cause I was tired of all the ways you’d slandered me
I was tired of all the ways you’d pushed me down
I was tired of going home and crying to myself
Wondering what I did that was so wrong
Now knowing nothing I did was so wrong

Slowly but faithfully I followed you
But now I’ve gone and

Left you behind

~~~~~

I wrote this as a song, not as a poem. You will probably be able to see that it is not a poem because it doesn't follow my usual style. I have a tune that this goes to, but I can't let you listen to it because its only in my head. If I were musically talented in the way of the piano I would try to play it, but I'm not, so I can not. Sorry.... Anyways, this is my song.

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

We are the Weather

Though the clouds are dark
And the rains fall hard
It always passes
The sun always shines
The weather never ends
We are the weather

The weather gets harsh
But it always gets better
The weather never ends
We are the weather

The lightening is your anger
The thunder is your voice
The rain is my crying
The dark is my shame
Yet the sun always shines at the end of the storm
We are the weather
The weather never ends

~~~~~

I wrote this before Chris and I broke up...I didn't bother to read it afterwards. I know I won't want to. But I thought I would post it anyways. It might be terrible. I wouldn't know. I won't read it.

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Not Perfect

I am not perfect
Do not dare proclaim
Those syllables do not belong
Next to my name

If this is perfect
The definition must change
My life does not meet the “flawless” allegation
It simply falls shamed

You say that I’m smart
No test would agree
You say that I’m pretty
No way to prove thee

I try as I can
I fight with my will
But, no matter how strong I seem
My heart has since keeled

What is this perfect you speak of
In my life I cannot find
A single example
To set by your side

Whatever you do
Whatever you claim
Please claim not my perfection
It would be in vain

~~~~~

I wrote this just now and it has had no editing. Be kind to it, though I'm sure much criticizing is deserved. Though, also speak truthfully.

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

A Year in AP English

Holden Caulfield’s going crazy
Gatsby had an affair with Daisy
All the while we sit and note
The literary devices and famous quotes

Day-by-Day time passes by
Each moment we ponder the question why,
Why the author used allusion
To illustrate Hester’s sinful conclusion

Now essay time, two pages –no more
To describe Poe’s use of metaphors
And don’t forget the grammar terror
Run on sentences and comma errors

Studying hard for the AP test
Attempting to stay calm, throughout the stress
The fat lady has begun her tune
Finals are coming way too soon

This year has gone by awfully fast
Yet the covered material has been vast
Ahab, Rappaccini, Huckleberry too
To conclude we call the curtains cue

~~~~~

I wrote this poem for my AP English class. It was very fun to write.

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Peer Pressure

You’re lost in this world that’s all a mystery
Pressure from all around confusing you,
Confusing me
You don’t know anymore
It’s like listening to a song
Over and over when all the song says
Is you’re worthless unless you give in to drugs and to sex
“Everyone does why won’t you be the same”
Its drilled into your head
Now it’s more than a game
Afraid to leave the house
Hanging out with all the wrong friends
The friends that aren’t friends at all
Because they couldn’t care less
They just want you drunk or drugged up
So you’ll do things that you will regret
When you’re wide-awake and that song that they played
Seems senseless and lame
‘Till you say no and just walk away
From the drugs and the sex and the pressure that came
‘Cause in the end
When you just walk away
You won’t regret what you did that day
Because you’ll walk away knowing
That you won’t be bothered again
Because those “friends” will know
You don’t want to get in over your head
Because unlike some of them you know where the consequences could lead
So just walk away don’t give in and don’t stay
Don’t be afraid once is all it takes

Just say no.

~~~~~

I wrote this a while ago, but I thought I would share it now.

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Heartbroken Fear

I truly thought I’d lost you
Tears rushed down from my bloodshot eyes
As I sobbed in horrid fear
That you’d choose a different bride

The words that I had spoken
Though they seemed to be true at the time
Became lies at the mention of an end
Our breakup seemed a crime

I knew the love I had for you
Was more than I’d ever had before
But when I’d almost lost you
I could’a dropped down dead on the floor

My heart ached with a passion
The love I have for you
My heart began to rip apart
At the thought, we might be through

The feeling I had at that moment
Was sheer and utter dread
The most fear I had ever felt
It should have scared me till I was dead

I’ve heard the cliché many times
‘You don’t miss it until it’s gone’
But now it had a new meaning
Before I would just move on

Now I’ll forever listen
I know the cliché was right
Now I’ll love him forevermore

For that heartbreak was a terrible plight

~~~~~

I know this isn't the greatest thing I've ever written, but it came from the heart...and thats all that matters right?

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Goodbye

Goodbye my friend I have to go
To leave this place I love and know
To leave you and all my friends
Because this is how every relationship ends
Someone moves or someone dies
And they leave behind their long-lived lives
It’s sad and happy at the same time
And that’s the truth I would not lie
And so I say goodbye

Goodbye

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

One More Soul

Just one more soul for Jesus
Just one more life to save
Just one more look of joy upon another persons face
Just one more person to realize
That he is the only way
Just one more soul for our savior Christ
And the Battles underway
Just one more child to look at me with tears of joy in their eyes
Realizing that Jesus is now in their heart,
He is now in their life
Just one more life for Jesus, let me help before I die
And when I get that one more life, should I still be alive
I can say it again
Just one more life for my Savior

Jesus Christ

~~~~~

I've posted this on my other blog before but I have made some minor changes. This may not be the most poetical poem haha. But it is one that is close to my heart.

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Faded

Silently the rose fell to the pond
Submerged in the water for but a moment
Then breaking the surface
Acquiescing to the pull of the tides
Following mindlessly,
Dancing across the water to the song of masquerade
The bright red petals of the rose fade
Every moment in the sultry water
Transforming the rose to be unexceptional
Still submitting to the tides the flower snags on a rock
There it stays, water pounding
Breaking apart what was once good
Leaving the beautiful rose dead,
No different from the common weed

~~~~~

I never felt the need to use any literary devices in my poetry. It was always straight forward what you see is what you get. That is not true with this poem. The whole poem is either an extended metaphor or an allegory depending on which you like better haha. My challenge to you is can you see my intended meaning?

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

Last Time

Every time I say your name I cry another tear
Every time I see your face I wish I’d disappear
Every time I hear your voice I shiver with fright
Because you’re the one that will be there when I come home tonight
Cause you said you’d be there by my side you said you’d changed your ways
So I came back and I believed
But your thoughts of being nice must’ve strayed
Cause now I come home and get whipped to the floor and you may think its fun
But that’s not what I want to die for, not me I’m not the one
Maybe for integrity, courage, strength, or peace
But not for the pleasure that you get when you’re hitting me
So I’m leaving you and you can’t do a thing cause I’m not listening to you this time
My friends have warned me and now I’m listening to them
My last word to you,

Goodbye

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~

You Were Loved

I was scared when you didn’t call me
I was afraid when you were not there
I was worried when no one had seen you
Though no one else seemed to care
I had dreams that weren’t too pleasant
Dreams that left you dead
I know all dreams do not come true.
But I was afraid that this one did
I called your house you were not home
You’re cell was not turned on
I heard you weren’t in school the next day
I wondered what was wrong
I came to find you I looked around
Your house, your school, your work

No place could I find you
I was worried to the core
I took a walk to calm myself
And fate took hold once more
As I took a walk throughout the trees
I saw you finally

Finally I see you yet tears still fill my eyes
I drop down onto the ground
And yank the knife out of your side
That was where it happened
In the woods
In the dark
You’re murder, or was it suicide stretched deep into my heart
It scratched it up and tore it out and blew its pieces apart
Your life was gone
My heart was too
I sit there terrified
Your last thoughts stay unknown to me
As I look upon your closed eyes
I know not why it happened so
But something took your life

Maybe if I’d told you how much that I love you
Then maybe you’d be here right now to do the things you do
But as it is your life is gone
And through my sorrow I can say:
If you love someone tell them now

Before they fall away

~~~~~

~To the world she is ordinary in truth she is extraordinary~